This week I shared a post about the fact that sometimes I lose my shit and totally loose the plot when I feel like my kids (and sometimes my husband) are not listening to me.
Not feeling listened to, no feeling heard, being ignored, not having a voice…all of these variations of feelings and emotions are manifested in me and causes me to be massively triggered every single time.
Exploring the triggers……
About a year ago, as part of my Hypnotherapy training journey, I was invited to explore this. Why am I so triggered when I don’t feel heard, why is it that it only happens in certain situations? Taking a long hard look at the darker side of my personality was a challenge because who likes to have the spotlight shone on the bad stuff? Nobody that’s who!!
It turns out that it goes way back to a moment when I was 4 years old! That totally blew my mind because it only took a tiny moment from back then to create a story in my mind about myself that then dictated how I would respond to the world and in this case my children.
There is darkness, but there is also light…
As part of the journey to explore this stuff more intentionally, I have learned, that you cannot have the dark without the light. The yin and the yang, if you will. We have shadow archetypes and illuminated ones too. What I am learning to do is to accept the shadows that make up my personality and to stop being ashamed of them.
This makes up who I am and if I choose to see them, offers me lessons that help me to get to know myself better. Have you ever heard the phrase ‘Know thyself’? It is now my mission to do this! Get to know myself so that I can forgive and accept myself fully and completely. If am able to forgive and accept myself, then this will open me up to being more open to receiving that from others.
Its okay to be vulnerable…
So, although it was a vulnerable moment, clicking ‘publish’ on that post, because I have deep shame about it and felt very uncomfortable about sharing my ‘secret’ with those of you that follow me on the socials, I knew I had to do it anyway. Whenever I am triggered my mission now is to:
- Look for the gift
- Learn the lesson
- Move On
It was Brené Brown who said “Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we’re all in this together.” And so this is why I shared that post this week. I am not perfect. I am perfectly imperfect and I am the same as so many of you out there who may feel alone in acknowledging your shadows. Or maybe you are also telling yourself a story about yourself that literally isn’t true, especially if it stems from when you were a child. You are not alone. Being vulnerable is scary, but can also be quite liberating too 😊 xx